no improvement
It is getting worse. I want to switch off only, not partecipate to this life. It is expected of me that I make a decision. How am I supposed to do only if all or almost all will be set against that decision. I am therefore very insecure and also knows not what is right and what is wrong. Because there are only two choices, and whatever I decide it will hurt. The more I try to explain the Hasan, or to explain how bad I feel the greater the distance between us ... Because everything he says will hurt me or shows how different we are. As there was a thick wall between us. When it's just born? Or was it always there? To different mentalities?
I have to wonder about my mother constantly, because it has given hope that Hasan could fold. I have a feeling I would be understood by every man around me wrong. It is the breach of privacy and a clear crossing my mental limits. Did I like the earlier approved. The last 1.5 years I have to practice so much so that I learn the distinction, so I know my limits and insist that they respect all.
I slide into the old patterns of behavior I just noticed. For fear of pain. But there is no way out, because if I do not now act together and take responsibility for my life, I'll still end up in psychiatry.
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