sick in bed
Sometimes I wonder if I'll make it. I'm discouraged and I lack any confidence. For a few days at the top right is again so strong I remember correctly, he takes me under fire.
And promptly I'll get sick.
Yesterday morning it started and then increases in the total rigor mortis. I was only in bed lie not kept with me and twisted me into convulsions.
gastrointestinal finest.
was the night it further and now it's a step forward that I can stand a few minutes in the perpendicular without bending me.
Brigitte've had a mild version in the last days, I naturally infected.
I'm angry because I had so many plans for my long weekend, instead I rot in my room.
could howl with rage and disappointment. The worst thing is that I am so very alone and abandoned when I feel so helpless. If I needed someone I bought the biscuit (Jürgen has forgotten it, and is now on its way towards the Black Forest) and comforts me and is just there.
If I'm healthy, I can push away those feelings and needs, then there is not a thing.
Then I'm glad the contrary, to have my peace and to make what I want.
When I wonder if I'll make it, I mean, do it, turn to my twisted world right and make it free from so many restrictions that I create myself.
Whether I can get me some time to feel comfortable in my body sometimes and not afraid of intimacy have to. Or not to have to control everything. How are indeed different?
I know that I can feel connected to others and that only the detached protector is fired up when I feel lonely and separated.
What is it? The detached protector mode is the most subtle and I have spent years in it. But he is also healthier as a compensating or endurance. Great.
Even though I no longer so hot dissociate feel separated me is still very strong, somatization is also very strong. It helps
me sometimes, so to take stock. Then I see clearly the progress, or at least I will be causalities.
So that I get sick when law is strong at the top or if I'm not clear with the feelings with Hanna.
It has become blatant, every 2 weeks since I'm sick, so sick that I must stay in bed days.
And then I can avoid at least not so sprawling and throw me into the life and distract me from my miserable feelings. But the Erkennntnisse seep into peu à peu me and hurt.
This is probably necessary for change.
And my poor baby needs still very much care and love. I just have to learn, even to be good to me. I would like to
rumtelefonieren someone brings biscuits, even if right place at the top of the totally embarrassing. Yesterday
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